a poem, of sorts

i'm currently lying in bed in a sequined hoody and leggings, swimming beneath a hundred heavy blankets and a floaty sea of kleenexes. i've succumbed to defeat by infantile infectious somethings (i.e. i have literally been coated by a multitude of six-year-old viruses and have been unable to stop coughing for the past four and a half weeks) and thought: oh where, oh where did my transpacifists go?

silly question. you've been here all along.

so i've been doing this little teaching thing for the past few months, and it sort of takes up the entirety of my life. and suddenly, at the age of twenty-three, i have 29 little guppies that i get to kiss and hug every day, and worry about whether they have enough food at home, and whether or not they put the larger number in their hearts as an addition strategy. i run around the classroom commanding "pencils down. hands folded. eyes on me," whilst sprinkling magic math dust on their heads with a tattered silver wand. i teach them how to say nice things to each other, and we practice giving each other compliments. when they do something wrong, they say sorry to one another, and not just sorry, but sorry for ___________, and this is what i can do next time to fix it.

and sometimes, james marshmallow (whose name may or may not actually be marshall), who has the largest smile on planet earth and the smoothest, softest cheeks (which he claims is possible for anyone if you get puffy like him!), when he isn't suspended for rolling down the hall and kicking the principal, or suffering from a high degree of anxiety disorders no six-year-old should ever have to deal with, also plays the apology game.

after kicking at the wall for a half hour and then throwing a screaming tantrum under the table one day:




i was under the table. i'm sorry for going under the table. i love you. i'm sorry, do you accept my apology, do you?

after which, while trying to hide the giant tears rolling down my face, i squeezed his puffiest of cheeks and replied, oh james. i love you so much back, and i accept.